No matter how bad the breakup may be, you will eventually get over it. And to help you through this tough time, we've compiled a list of 13 tips for getting over a breakup.
Did you know that January is the biggest break up month? Well, if you are currently going through it or know someone who is, then this post is for you. No matter who did the dumping, breakups are never easy. They come with a whole range of emotions, from sadness and loneliness to anger and resentment. And if you're the one who was dumped, you might be feeling all of those emotions and then some.
But here's the thing: no matter how bad the breakup may be, you will eventually get over it. And to help you through this tough time, we've compiled a list of 13 tips for getting over a breakup.
1. Temporarily Wallowing in Your Sorrows.
It's official, the relationship is over. You try to keep it together, you really do. But before you know it, you're a hot mess. You wallow in your sorrows and eat an entire pint of ice cream (or two). Maybe you even break out the wine. Heck, you might even call your ex a few times (or a hundred). We've all been there. And while it might not seem like it at the time, mourning the loss of the relationship can actually be helpful in getting over a breakup.
While it's important to process your emotions and give yourself time to grieve, extended wallowing can prevent you from moving on. It can become a crutch that keeps you from dealing with the underlying issues that led to the breakup. And let's be honest, wallowing is just plain old depressing. So go ahead and have that pint of ice cream (or two). Just don't forget to put on your big girl pants and move on when you're done.
2. No Contact . . . Seriously!
I get it. . . really, I do. You're trying to be strong, but sometimes you just can't help but wonder how your ex is doing. Or what they're up to. Or better yet, who they are with. Stop right there! It's time for no contact. That's right, no more stalking your ex on Instagram or Twitter. No more accidentally liking their post from three weeks ago. And definitely no more buzzed texting them at 2 AM or calling them.
Why? Because it's just not healthy. When you're going through a break-up, it can be a helpful tool to cut ties with your ex. Seeing their posts and updates can be a painful reminder of what you're no longer a part of, and it can make it harder to move on. If you're finding it difficult to let go, consider unfollowing or even blocking your ex on social media -- Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and yes, even LinkedIn.
Trust me, it's the best way. Otherwise, you'll just end up in an infinite loop of heartbreak and pain. So do yourself a favor and take a break from your ex. At least for now. Who knows, maybe someday you'll be able to be friends. But for now, it's best to just move on.
Of course, if you have children with your ex, you will need to communicate and co-parent. Try to keep the interactions only about the children and their best interest.
3. Get Rid of all Objects that Remind You of Your Ex.
It's time to get over your ex, and the best way to do that is to get rid of the traces that remind you of them. But getting rid of your ex isn't as simple as just deleting their number from your phone (or, you know, defriending them on Facebook). You need to go through your entire life and remove any object that reminds you of them.
That means getting rid of clothes they left at your place, getting rid of gifts they gave you, getting rid of any photos you have of the two of you together. And by getting rid of, that doesn't mean you have to throw the items away or permanently delete the photos or texts. If you can't bear to part with it all just yet, store it away in the attic or basement or in a folder in your phone.
Out of sight, out of mind. Once you've removed the objects from your life that reminds you of him, it will be much easier to move on. Good luck!
4. Don't Glorify The Relationship -- It Really Wasn't All Good
When it comes to getting over a break-up, one of the worst things you can do is glorify the relationship. Yes, it’s natural to look back on the good times and feel nostalgic. But if you dwell on the fantasy of what the relationship was supposed to be, you’re only setting yourself up for more heartache.
The truth is, no relationship is perfect – not even the one you had with your ex. He wasn’t perfect, and neither were you. The sooner you let go of that fantasy and move on, the better off you’ll be.
So, if you find yourself nostalgic for the “good old days,” just remember they weren’t all good, and he wasn’t perfect. Let go of the fantasy and move on with your life.
5. Lean on Your Girls and Family
When you're going through a break-up, it can be downright tough. Fortunately, you don't have to go through it alone. You can lean on your family and friends for support.
They'll be there to listen to you when you need to vent, and they'll give you the occasional reality check when you need it. Plus, they'll help you get through the tough times with a sense of humor intact.
So next time you're feeling down about being single again, remember that you've got a whole support system to help you get through it.
6. Go Out and Live Your Best Life
One of the best ways to get over a breakup is to go out and live your best life. Get those endorphins pumping by hitting the gym or going for a run. Take yourself on a new adventure by traveling to a place you've always wanted to explore.
Or, if you just need some time to relax and pamper yourself, treat yourself to a massage or facial at the spa. And don't forget the little things that make you feel good, like getting a mani-pedi or going to a movie.
Whatever you do, just make sure you're taking care of yourself and doing what makes you happy. That's the best way to get over a breakup and move on with your life.
7. Focus on Your Goals and Aspirations
When you find yourself single after a breakup, it's important to channel your energy into positive pursuits. First, focus on your goals and aspirations. What do you want to achieve in the next year? Five years? Ten years? Write these down or better yet, create a vision board to help manifest your goals. Put them somewhere you'll see them every day.
Whether it's starting your own business or getting that promotion at work, remind yourself of what you're working towards. When you focus on bettering yourself, you won't have time to think about your ex-boyfriend and what he's doing without you.
So go out there and make yourself the best version of you!
8. Be grateful for what you have
Going through a breakup is never easy. Your heart feels like it's been shattered into a million pieces, and you're left feeling lost and alone. But there is one silver lining to this dark cloud: focusing on what you're grateful for can help you get through this tough time.
By taking some time each day to think about the things that make you happy, you'll start to remember all the good things in your life. From your loving family and friends to your favorite food and activities, there are so many things to be grateful for.
And when you focus on these positive things, it will be easier to let go of the pain of your breakup and move on with your life. So don't dwell on what went wrong in your relationship - instead, focus on all the things that make you happy, and you'll be surprised at how much better you'll feel.
9. Find a new Netflix series to binge watch
A great way to keep your mind off of things is to find a new show to binge watch on Netflix (or whichever streaming service you use). There's nothing like losing yourself in a good show to help you take your mind off of your ex and you can even invest yourself in a new character's love life.
Whatever you choose, I guarantee that it will be more satisfying than stalking your ex on social media. So curl up on the couch with some ice cream or popcorn and binge watch your way to recovery!
10. Reflect on the Lessons You've Learned from the Relationship
One of the most important things to remember when going through a breakup is that it's not the end of the world. Though it may feel like it at the time, there are lessons to be learned from every relationship - even the ones that don't last.
For example, you may have learned about your own communication style and areas to improve, or what you need in a partner. Maybe you've realized that you deserve better than what you got, or that you're ready for something more serious.
Whatever the case may be, trying to see the silver lining can help make the process a little less painful. And who knows - maybe one day you'll even look back on this experience and be thankful for what it taught you.
11. Avoid Rebounds Relationships
After a big breakup, it's tempting to jump into another relationship right away. We've all been there. But beware, my loves! As any seasoned dater knows, rebound relationships seldom work out in the long run.
It's important to give yourself time to heal after a breakup before dating again. That doesn't mean you have to stay single forever. Just take some time to enjoy being single and focus on your own happiness before you start looking for someone else.
12. Remember that this too shall pass.
This too shall pass. It's a cliché, but it's true. No matter how badly your heart is hurting right now, the pain won't last forever. You will heal and you will move on.
But that doesn't mean that the process of getting over a breakup is going to be easy. It's still going to be tough, and there will be days when you feel like you're never going to feel better again. But I promise you, the sun will shine again. You will laugh again. You will love again.
13. Seek Counseling if Struggling to Move On
If you're struggling after a breakup, therapy or counseling can help. First, therapy can help you understand why the relationship ended. Often, we don't have closure after a breakup, which can make it difficult to move on.
Therapy can help you make sense of what happened and give you some closure.
Secondly, it can help you learn from your mistakes. We all make mistakes in relationships, but it's often hard to see our own role in the demise of a relationship. Therapy can help you take a step back and see what might have gone wrong, so you can avoid making the same mistakes in future relationships.
Lastly, therapy can also help you figure out what you want in a relationship. Often, we don't know what we want until we're in a relationship that isn't working. Therapy can help you figure out what it is that you really want and need in a partner, so you can find someone who is right for you.
If you're struggling after a breakup, therapy or counseling may be able to help. It's worth considering if you're finding it difficult to move on or if you want to avoid making the same mistakes in future relationships.
Final Thoughts
Breakups are hard, there's no getting around that. But it is possible to heal and move on after a breakup. The most important thing you can do is give yourself time to mourn the end of the relationship.
It's also crucial to cut off all unnecessary contact with your ex, get rid of reminders of them, and avoid any temptations to reconnect. Instead, focus on rebuilding your life by leaning on your friends and family, setting new goals, and living your best life.
And finally, be grateful for what you have, binge a new series, and reflect on the lessons you've learned from this experience. Breakups are never easy but you will heal if you're willing to put in the work.
And in no particular order, I've compiled a list of some of my favorite break-up songs (please stop listening to the sad ones!):
"Sorry" by Beyoncé
2. "Karma" by Queen Naija
3. "I Will Survive" by Gloria
4. "Survivor" by Destiny's Child
5. "Tyrone" by Erykah Badu
6. "None of Your Concern" by Jhene Aiko
7. "Caught Out There" by Kelis
8. "Best Thing I Never Had" by Beyoncé
9. "Stronger" by Kelly Clarkson
10. "The Worst" by Jhené Aiko
11. "Irreplaceable by Beyoncé