Looking for love? Start by digging deep into yourself. Here are 10 tips to help boost your love life and attract the kind of relationship you want!
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Ladies, we know it can be difficult out there in the dating scene. So how do you attract the kind of love you really want? While many people may tell you that it’s a good self-care routine, or they may list red flags to look for (which you should), or give you online dating advice, it really should first start with YOU.
Attracting the love that you want starts with digging deep into the roots of what could be some rocky territory. It’s not so much of things you should be doing, but of the woman you’re becoming. It starts with the connection you have with yourself. Because how can the RIGHT partner love you if you don’t properly love yourself?
And as cliche as that may sound, we're giving you ten tips to dig those rocky areas out and attract the love you want.
1. Pray and Reflect
The journey starts here: You and your Creator. To become the beautiful Black woman that attracts the right kind of love, you must first get into the roots of who you are. Invite God on this journey to show you areas that need healing and focus.
This might be one of the most challenging parts of this journey because you'll have to ask yourself some difficult questions. Maybe even have to look into the mirror and face those parts of you that you may not like. It'll be important to deal with pain from the past that you thought might have broken you, jaded you, or changed your entire viewpoint on certain things or people. But remember you are NOT your past. God has created you ON purpose, FOR purpose.
Take some time to walk in nature, go somewhere quiet where you can talk with God, or make some tea or coffee and go to a cozy corner to journal your thoughts to Him. Growing closer to the Lover of your soul and asking him to lead the way is the best place to start.
2. Practice Gratitude
Take a moment right now and look around you. Take this time to notice all the small mundane things that might be taken for granted, not because you’re not grateful, but because it’s a part of your routine. Focus on your strengths, fantastic character traits, and accomplishments (both big and small) up to this point.
Focus your energy on the things that bring you joy. I don’t know about you, but something as simple as a clean and orderly home brings me joy, and I’m grateful that I’ve created this space for my family and me. Try practicing expressing gratitude to God, yourself, and those around you. It will do wonders.
3. Enjoy your Own Company
You are not the same woman you were five years ago. Shoot! You’re not even the same woman you were a year ago. You’re constantly growing and learning and going into new seasons. It’s time to get to know who you are now.
Ask yourself, “What do I like to do for fun? What things did I stop doing before that I would like to try again? What am I afraid of and why? Do I prefer to be in a crowd like in music festivals and shows, or do I prefer cozy nights with a glass of wine and a good book or movie?” Be unapologetic about what makes you, YOU.
4. Be Vulnerable
Here’s a tough one: being vulnerable. It can be scary, but being open builds more profound connections with others in any capacity. You never know who may need to hear your story to overcome something they are currently going through.
Now, that doesn't mean tell everyone everything about your life. Rather, think of some scenarios that taught you life lessons and give others an insight into the wonderful woman you are.
5. Find A Group Of Awesome Women
If you’re blessed to have a few fantastic women who understand your current season, support your goals, and can challenge you in forward progression, then you’ve hit the lotto. If you haven’t, don’t worry! By knowing yourself, being vulnerable, and practicing gratitude, you’ll be able to find your support group, whether it be in person or online.
It doesn’t have to be a lot of women, but they should be women that hold your values and standards. Bonus if you can build connections with women who can accompany you on your adventures! Adventures? Yes! Keep going.
6. Get Out of Your Comfort Zone
I don’t know about you, but I’ve got a list of things I’d like to do and places I’d like to visit before I leave this Earth. While that may sound doom and gloom, it’s not! It’s time to start living and not just existing! Maybe you wanted to check out Bali but were uncomfortable going alone. Go for it (Check out our guide for the must-see places in Bali)!
Have you ever thought of doing something extreme like skydiving or bungee jumping? Research some companies near you. If you have a girlfriend to go with you, even better, but don’t let the fear of going alone stop you. The time is now, ladies.
7. Fall In Love
It’s not what you think -- fall in love with something that brings you pure joy. You might think, “isn’t this the same as getting out of my comfort zone?” Not exactly. If you decided to conquer the fear of skydiving but didn’t like it, you can check it off your list. However, let’s be real; you’re not doing that again if you didn't like it.
Instead fall in love with a hobby, old passion project, culture, or language. Get engulfed in it and share that love with others. This will open up so many doors of opportunity to expand your world to experiences and communities that you might’ve been closed off to previously.
8. Focus on Your Goals
If you were asked right now what’s on your list for an ideal romantic partner, would you have it ready? Your answer probably is a solid yes. But does that list complement your goals and where you see yourself in the future? A perfect example would be the quality of ambition. This is an excellent quality to want in a man, but an ambitious man will be busy. Are you ready for that?
Not trying to scare you away from an ambitious man. Just wanting you to think about the future you see for yourself and ensure that the key traits you want in your partner aren’t just good but complementary to them. If you like to travel, this man has to have characteristics that complement your lifestyle. I know you’ve got your list, but it’s time to focus on those goals you have for yourself and execute them.
9. Embrace New Connections
Now that you’ve discovered more about yourself, it’s time to make new connections. How do I do that? Don’t worry about going to places you don’t want to go. Over are the days when you can only make connections at bars and clubs. Here are some places you may want to start:
Networking events
Conferences in your area of expertise
Investment masterminds
Ted Talks
MeetUps for various clubs (Language learning, writing, books, etc.)
Volunteer organizations
Church groups
Jazz festivals
Facebook Hobby groups
There are many more options to make new connections. It may feel uncomfortable, but it’s much less complicated once you find a common denominator in conversation.
10. Remember Self-Care
You are a hard-working Black woman taking the time and effort to heal and grow. Don’t forget to treat yourself! Take time to cater and pamper yourself. Taking care of yourself means attending to your body, mind, and spirit. However that may look for you, whether it be regular massages, signing up for classes at the gym, or feeding yourself nutritious food, make it happen!
Learn to love the woman you are and the woman you’re becoming so that when love does come, it meets an amazing version of yourself as you continue to grow.
Summing it Up
When you’re a good steward of yourself, you become a better steward of the relationships entrusted to you. Some may say it’s selfish to focus on yourself in this season of your life, but its actually healthy and intelligent.
A great book to read is “Boundaries in Dating” by Dr. Henry Cloud and John Townsend. This book gives insights on adjusting or readjusting areas of your dating life and building boundaries to help you and others.
Another great book to read is “Things I Wish I’d Known Before We Got Married,” by Gary Chapman. This is a fantastic book that gives insight to singles and married couples alike with chapters like “Being in love is not enough,” “Romantic love has two stages, “ and “Toilets aren’t self-cleaning” (That chapter was comical and practical.).